Time Bandits

Terry Gilliam is a great director. He’s made some of the best filmed fantasies. He’s shown us Hunter Thompsons stoned genius. Filmed a satire on religion based on the Jesus story. Explored time travel as a state of consciousness. He hasn’t really made a bad movie. He’s made some different movies. But, not bad movies. Time Bandits is one his funnest. A hilarious and dark fantasy, Time Bandits is a child’s dream world come to life. A trip in every since of the word.

Time Bandits follows a group of dwarven time travelers as they cross paths with Kevin, an 11-year-old English boy. The Time Bandits have stolen a cosmic map that enables them to travel through space, time and myth. They tumble into Kevin’s room after the boys dreams lead them into his dresser. As they crash Kevin’s dreams they are chased by the maps owner, a Supreme Being. He chases them through a gate in Kevin’s room and the Bandits are off on a trippy and dark voyage through time, history and fantasy.

From Napoleons  moment of victory in Italy to Robin Hoods band of thug thieves, the Bandits jump through history and fantasy. They stumble through time on a search for the ultimate prize. Evil and Good are after them. The map is dangerous. The thieves are having too much fun stealing their way through time to care.

What I love about the movie is how it takes you through the most improbable yet believable story. None of the main characters is over 5 feet tall. It’s all dwarves and a little kid. Kevin’s english. He looks famished. They drink Napoleon into a hilarious stupor and monologue about the shortest dictators. They hijack a ship that turns into a giants hat. Nothing in this movie makes any sense what so ever.

Gilliam takes what could have failed miserably and turns it into one of the best fairy tales in movie history.  It’s a great movie fairy tale that sucks you into it’s crazy story quickly and doesn’t let go. It’s fun and at times bizarre, but the movie has a big heart and is Gilliams attempt at a kids movie and it does an amazing job. I saw this movie as a kid and I’ve always remembered it. It holds up well for an 80’s movie. Great acting and a fast story make for a fun movie which makes no sense at all.

4 Pitchforks.

Bamboozled

Satire. 1, a- A literary work in which human vice or folly is ridiculed or attacked scornfully. b- The branch of literature that composes such work.

2. Irony, derision or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice or stupidity.

 

That definition is the first line of dialogue that Damon Wayon’s Pierre Delacroix speaks  in Bamboozled. Bamboozled is Spike Lee’s blistering and often hilarious look at Hollywood and the American media’s portrayal of African-Americans in film, on television and on the theatrical stage. Spike pulls no punches in his assault on what he saw as the modern-day minstrel show that still continues to dominate Hollywood’s portrayal of what it is to be black in America.And, he also points his camera and his finger at those he feels enable and tolerate this attitude. Even pointing that finger at himself and the actors in the movie at times. Who else but Spike Lee would have the nerve to use footage from his own movies to poke fun at himself? It’s one of Lee’s most honest movies. Watching it again I’m struck by how brilliant the movie is at times and how brave this movie is. I’m also struck by how under appreciated it is. Most people haven’t seen it. It was barely released in 2000.

The movie follows Delacroix, a highly paid writer at a major TV network. The network is starting to lose ratings and pressure is put on Delacroix to create the next “black hit tv show” by his boss (Michael Rapaport). Given the choice of writing a new black show just to make his boss happy or get fired, he decides to rebel and have a little revenge on his racist boss and network. Delacroix comes up with a plan to create a show so negative, offensive and racist that it will never air and get him fired (Delacroix can’t quit. It’s in his contract.) He enlists two homeless street performers named Manray and Womack. Manray is a talented tap dancer and Womack is his street emcee. Delcroix writes a show that stars Manray and Womack in black face make up in a modern-day minstrel show. The show is called Mantan: The New Millenium Minstrel Show. The show is offensive beyond belief. But, much to the shock and horror of almost everyone involved, the show is an overnight sensation. An instant hit that makes stars out of Manray and Womack almost instantly. Things start to spiral completely out of control after that. The lives of everyone involved with the making of the show  are ruined and some of the characters don’t survive to see the credits roll.

The movie has some great touches at times biting, offensive and hilarious. Sometimes simultaneously. Fake commercials that are so overtly racist and offensive. They’re made even more offensive when you realize that real commercials, movies and hip hop videos can be more racist than the stuff in Bamboozled. The board game Othello in the background as Delacroix’s mother chastises him over the phone about how bad his TV show is. The use of footage from Malcolm X to emphasize the word bamboozled. The fact that everyone in the movie is aware of what they’re doing is amazing to me. This movie shines because of the great performances of everyone involved. Wayans, Jada Pinkett and Mos Def all give great performances. I think this is Damon Wayan’s best work.

The movie does lose some of its focus as it reaches its climax. Spike juggles outrage, humor and anguish in the movie’s final act. It might have been more than Spike could handle at the time. During the movie’s last half hour there are scenes that are extremely tragic but are sprinkled with comedy. It makes it a little disconcerting to laugh when the only survivor of a militant gang is the only white guy in the group who cries when he realizes the cops didn’t shoot him because he is white.

It’s definitely one of those movies that needs to be watched a few times for it to really sink in. Because the first time you see it you’re cringing in disbelief at what you’re seeing half of the time. Which I think ultimately is what Lee was aiming for in the film. It’s also a homage to Network. Bamboozled predicted shows like Flavor Of Love in the same way Network predicted the coming of shock tv and Jerry Springer.

 

 

G.I. Joe: Resolute dvd review.

G.I . Joe: Resolute is an animated movie that was originally aired as 10 minute episodes on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. It’s a fresh approach to the franchise with a realistic take on the action and intrigue. It’s written by Warren Ellis (The Authority, Planetary), one of the greatest, mad genius’ of comic book writers and what he brings to the franchise changes it while keeping it as fun as it ever was.

This is not the G.I. Joe cartoon we grew up with. Major characters are killed off in the first five minutes and Cobra destroys Moscow. Yes, you read that right. In this Joe cartoon all of those bullets flying through the air and swords being swung hurt and kill. The story is your basic bad guys want to take over the world. But, this time Cobra Commander has had enough of the failures and defeats. He has come to the realization that his pursuit of money and power has been misguided and that once he has total domination of the world the money will follow. To show he means business this time he destroys Moscow with a new super weapon (based on real world technology) and gives the world 24 hours to give in to his demands of world domination.

Since this isn’t called Cobra: Resolute, you can probably figure out how it all ends. But, getting there is where all of the fun is. This cartoon is done in the more modern anime’ style. The characters are realistically drawn. No big eyes and small heads in sight. The action is intense and the fight scene between two of the coolest and beloved fictional ninjas ever is one of the best fight scenes I’ve seen. This movie is a treat for both new fans of the G. I. Joe universe and especially for those of us who grew up with the Joe’s as kids of the 80’s.

One of the better traditionally animated movies out there and as much fun as the live-action movie was this is much better. This is the script that should have been used for the live-action G.I. Joe movie. I give it 4 Pitchforks.

Saving Private Ryan

Saving Private Ryan is a 1998 World War II drama that follows Captain John Miller (Tom Hanks) and his men through the D-Day landings on Omaha Beach. After surviving D-Day, as depicted in one of the most visceral opening 25 minutes ever filmed, Miller and his squad are ordered to risk their lives and find Private James Ryan (Matt Damon). Ryan’s three brothers have all been killed in action within days of each other. The last one dying on Omaha Beach. Miller is sent to find Ryan somewhere in Nazi occupied France and bring him back home alive. The plot is simple. The movie is filled with WWII stereotypes. Captain Miller’s men include a coward, a wise-ass from Brooklyn, a Jewish kid who speaks Yiddish and a medic with a soft heart. But, because the person directing it is Steven Spielberg, it’s one of the best war movies ever made. And, while some may disagree, I consider it to be one of Spielberg’s best movies. Before Saving Private Ryan, there had been literally hundreds of movies about war. With Saving Private Ryan, Spielberg took an unflinching look at history through the eyes of those who fought during WWII and made a film about the horrors and heroism of war. Never glorifying it. Always showing how brutal and destructive war is. The movie is mostly remembered for its opening sequence. A violent and unrelenting battle scene showing Miller and his platoon landing on Omaha Beach and fighting their way through the dug in German defences to the cliff walls behind the beach. We see men killed, repeatedly. Blown up, drowned by their equipment, shot to death and destroyed by German artillery. And, still, these men fight their way forward and take the beach. The thing is this really happened. The D-Day landings are a real event. And, for a lot of people it wasn’t until this film that they really understood what their grandfathers and fathers went through during the war. And, especially, for the survivors of D-Day. After the D-Day scene, we follow Miller and his squad on their journey. We get to know them a little. They do their duty and complete their mission at great cost. The final battle scene is as brutal as the first. It’s hard to watch at times because it’s violence is so sudden and intimate. I think the film’s cultural impact has been greatly forgotten in the decade since it was released. The film combined with the books of historian Stephen Ambrose (Who worked closely with Spielberg as a consultant on the movie.)brought a new spotlight on that moment in history. The turning point of WWII when the Allies landed on the mainland of Western Europe. If it weren’t for SVR, we wouldn’t have the modern war film with its realistic portrayal of life as a soldier. We wouldn’t have the video games that changed modern gaming (The Medal Of Honor and Call Of Duty series’). It’s a great movie. Flaws and all. I give it 5 pitchforks.

stuff 8

Don’t stop.

Never stop.

Keep going.

Keep moving.

Never let them get to you.

Never let them hold you back.

You’re better.

You’re you.

Always were.

Always will be.

Always.

Until you stop.

So…

Don’t stop.

R.

stuff 7

This time I’m gonna talk about epidural steroid injections. They are fun. Painful and really don’t do much. At least, not in my experiences with them and back pain.

First, I have to mention that I am absolutely terrified of injections and needles. Yeah, I know I’m covered in tattoos. A tattoo needle isn’t the same as a big, scary needle used for injections. Keep that phobia in mind as you read this.

Epidural injections(EI) that are given to people suffering back pain are a little different than the one given to mothers in labor. When they give you an EI for labor pains they inject a painkiller directly into your spine to completely numb your lower body. There’s more to it than that but, that’s basically how it works for moms. EI for back pain is a steroid injection with a bit of painkiller. It’s like a cortisone shot but, for your spine. Usually, it’s either one shot or a series of 3 shots spaced about a week or two weeks apart.
What people don’t really know about them is that they are a temporary solution when it comes to back pain.

An EI can’t cure anything. It brings down the swelling and inflammation that causes some back pain temporarily. In the cases where it does help it’s a temporary break from the pain so that the sufferer can work on getting better.

Too many EIs and you start to wear out the insides of your spine which causes even more pain.

And, when that temporary pain relief wears off you’re in worse pain then before the EI.

How it works: they take you in and depending on how the doctor does it, you are either completely awake when they do it with a local anesthesia near the injection site. Or they knock you out with an IV anesthesia and you’re out for the procedure.

You’re laid face down on a gurney. You’re tied down to the bed. If you’re awake they tell you not to move and when they do it, it feels like someone is sticking a finger into your spine and pushing air into you.

If you’re under the anesthesia, they lay you down and tell you to start counting. You’re usually out before you reach ten. Then, you wake up a few minutes later and it’s done.

You don’t feel better until a few days later. Your body has to heal after that shot. The needle is huge. And, it’s going into your spine. Ouch is not the word.

You do feel better once the shot kicks in. But, as I said before, that’s temporary.

After I was diagnosed with a herniated disc, I was freaking out pretty bad. I knew at that point that unless something miraculous happened I would have to get surgery. Which was not something I took lightly.

I spoke to my pain management doctor and he laid it for me like this: try EIs and if they don’t help, surgery.

That was it. No more physical therapy. Nothing. Just the shots or surgery. Both scared the shit out of me. With good reason, too.

One of the things I learned after my experience and dealing with so many different doctors over the years is that a lot of them are assholes. Big assholes. They could care less about a patients discomfort or fears. Pretty sure some of you have dealt with these types. Don’t listen to patients. Like to prescribe tons of meds. It’s just a job to them. Work. On a patient.

The first doctor that I was sent to for an EI was an asshole. Forgot his name or I’d shout him out. Basically, gave me a shot to the spine, a pat on the head and a Metrocard to take my ass home on the subway.

Second doctor that I was sent to was not an asshole. Great guy. Explained everything to me and told me point blank the risks and what was going to happen after the EI. He did a series of three shots.

The shots made the pain less. It was still there but, not the scream that it usually was. It was more like a whisper after the shots.

The first EI that I got relieved my pain enough so that I could function relatively pain free for about 2 months. Then, the EI started to wear off. That’s when I decided to go look for another doctor for the next EI.

The second time I got the EI, it was a series of three injections. This time the pain relief was longer lasting but, still temporary.

After the last set of shots I made up my mind to get the surgery. I had had enough of the pain and needles and doctors. I just wanted to be normal and not be in pain anymore.

Thank you Dbay for being there when I needed someone to get me home. Owe you big for that. And, Ashley. Owe her for one ride home, too.

R.

stuff 6

Last time, I talked about some of what lead up to the surgery. Now, I want to talk about pain and how it affected me.

There’s a saying in a lot of tattoo shops that goes, “Pain is temporary. Ink is permanent.”. Pain is temporary has become a mantra for me. A chant that I repeat to myself when I need to remind myself of how pain and my body works.

Pain is temporary. But, when pain lasts for years, those years feel like forever.
Our bodies are machines. That’s how I look at the way the human body works. It has systems and moving parts that work together to keep our brains functioning.
We eat our fuel. That fuel gets burned every second we exist. Our hearts are the engines. Blood is the oil that keeps everything moving. Everything has to be working together in sync for it to be working correctly.

Pain is the bodies way of telling our brains to tell us that something is wrong.

Lots of people have herniated discs (HD). I bet that most of you reading this know at least one person with a HD. For some it’s worse than others. Most don’t need surgery. For a lot of people physical therapy helps to alleviate the pain. For others it’s losing weight and keeping it off (Last part is the key to that one.). Some get epidural injections (Which I’ll get to later. That’s a whole different thing. Mothers know what I am talking about. Same injection but, with more steroids than pain-killer. Google Image that epidural injection needle. Big as your arm. Not for the weak-kneed.). Some just take pain-killers. There are a lot of different things that doctors can prescribe to help with the pain.

I only had one HD. Some people have more than one. Sometimes a lot more than one. I really couldn’t imagine the pain you deal with when you have more than one HD.

My pain when I re-injured my back felt like a knife that someone inserted into my lower right back. That knife kept sinking deeper and deeper into my back as time went on. Years. No matter what I tried to get rid of that knife, I couldn’t.

By the time I was diagnosed with my HD, the pain had become as much a part of me as breathing. It was just always there.

Pain on that level becomes a part of you and your everyday life. It affects every single thing you do. It affects everything and everyone you interact with. Even the way you think.

Before the surgery, I had gotten to the point where standing still and straight for more than 5-10 minutes was agony. Couldn’t sit still for too long or it would start to hurt. Stopped playing video games on the couch because of that. Had to start using my Nintendo DS and Sony PSP exclusively to play games. I couldn’t go to a movie theater because I couldn’t sit still for 2 hours. It was bad. I could go on and on. Even sex got to be impossible without a pain-killer.

Imagine the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced. Multiply that by ten. Now imagine if that pain never left you.

That’s what I had to deal with.

When you’re diagnosed with HD it’s not a simple process of repairing it. That’s where we’re different from machines. Machines don’t feel pain. We do.

The spine is the main part of your central nervous system. Spinal surgery is always complicated. Sometimes dangerous. Surgery there is usually the last resort. Except in cases of emergency and accidents. You go through this process of elimination to find the thing that’s going to help alievate and sometimes fix the cause of the pain. When one doesn’t work you move on to the next.

For me it was physical therapy and pain-killers first. Then stronger pain-killers and more physical therapy. Then even stronger pills and a series of epidural injections spread out over a year. Finally, it was even more stronger pain-killers until the surgery because absolutely nothing but surgery could help me at that point.

R.

stuff 5

My best friend tends to describe me sometimes as unlucky. Which is ok. I don’t necessarily agree with that but, if I squint I can see where he’s coming from.

I can see how if my friends started to talk about me or described me to their friends it can look like I am one of the unluckiest people in New York. I understand that it’s really easy to look at my life that way. No worries.

But, I don’t.

I do not believe in luck. At least, not anymore. I believe that we all choose our own path in life. I believe that every decision I make has repercussions and consequences that affect the people in my life. I figured that shit out a long time ago.

When I blog or talk about my experiences I am never, ever asking for pity or handouts. I am just sharing my thoughts, ideas and opinions with people. Hopefully, with my friends.

I know that people have a responsibility to themselves and their loved ones and that that always and should come first. I have no right to ask anyone for ANYTHING.

My decisions made me who I am. Me. That also means that a lot of what I am dealing with now is my fault. I’m fine with that. I might not like it. But, I deal with it because I understand that that’s the way things are.

I’m not anybody extra special. I do have my moments but, I’m not gonna change the world or anything. I am not an expert on anything. But, there are certain things that I realized on my own.

To me, if I can figure something out then I tend to think you can figure it out also. You just have to use your brain. A lot of the stuff I believe feels like common sense to me.

When someone fucks up, they fuck up. Doesn’t mean they fucked up because they were unlucky. It means…they fucked up. That’s all it is.

The things that I am dealing with now have a lot to do with decisions that I made. No one else. Some had to do with things that are and were beyond my control. That’s not bad luck, my friends. That’s just fucking life.

If you feel I am unlucky. That’s cool. I don’t agree but, it’s all good.

We make our own luck.

stuff 4

For the first time in a while I feel like my head is clear enough for me to talk about what happened. It’s been about six, maybe seven months since I took a Vicodin, Percocet or Oxycodin pill for pain. It really does feel great to have my thoughts and body back.

It’s been more than a year since the surgery to repair a herniated disc at the L5/S1 level of my spine. Right above where the top of your butt crack ends. I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole experience and the aftermath of the surgery.

I look back at where I was physically a year ago and it’s shocking when I really think about it.

A year ago I was recuperating at home being taken care of by a great friend. I couldn’t twist, turn, bend or move my torso. I had to learn how to move differently. It felt like being trapped in my own body. Those first six weeks after the surgery were hell.

Now. Now I go to the gym at least three times a week. I can hit a heavy bag hard again. I can run an eight minute mile if I have to. I can shovel snow without being in agony. I think I’ve come a long way.

Let’s start at the beginning.

In winter 2000 I hurt myself playing hockey at Wollman Rink in Central Park. I remember skating on the ice and twisting to go backwards and then I just dropped. It was “Ow.” and then my legs just stopped working. Then after a few seconds I got back on my feet and shakily skated off the ice. It felt like someone had taken a giant scissor to my lower abdomen and just squeezed. It wasn’t really painful at first. It felt like something inside me somewhere wasn’t working right.

At the time I was working a lot to pay off my car and stuff. I ignored it. That might seem odd to some people but when you’ve got bills to pay you work. No matter what. It’s just the way I was brought up.

I was walking ok but everything felt a little off. After about a week or so my back started to really hurt. It felt like a toothache only in my lower back. Right above my hips.

At some point I saw my doctor and was sent to get physical therapy. I think I ended up going for about 2 months. The therapy worked and my back sort of fixed itself. I got used to my back being weird, though. That I do remember. Sometimes it would hurt after long walks or standing still for too long. Sometimes it would lock up on me. Other times it felt like someone was holding my lower spine in their fist.

I am not sure if that was the first herniation. I never got an MRI for some reason.

While dealing with this I was super busy. I look back and bug out when I remember. I was working my 40 hours a week as a doorman, also working winter at the rinks in Central Park and working summers at Blades Skate shop. Later in 2000 I started dating someone in DC. I would drive at least once a week to DC.

I know this sounds corny but it was like I didn’t have time to feel that pain. I just got used to it.

Cut to around February 2005. I’m a little fuzzy on exactly when it happened but it was around the time I moved into my current apartment that I hurt my back again. Those that know me personally know the story. If not send me a message and I’ll tell you. It’s actually still embarassing.

This time it was much worse than 2000. This was “Ow! That really fucking hurt. What the fuck just happened?”.

With the move to a new place and some really not smart travelling I did around April 2005 it just made things worse.

I didn’t get diagnosed with the herniated disc until about a year later.

R.

stuff 3

Dear Allah, Vishnu, Krishna, Buddha, Jesus, Zombie Jesus, Moses and Kali.

Please, give me the strength to make it through this year.

Give me the patience to not start randomly strangling hipsters that have invaded New York.

Oh, Imaginary Being, give me the insight and wisdom to figure out how to escape from New York City. Land of the unclean, uncivilized and unrealistic.

Give me more patience, oh Make Believe One, so I won’t pummel the next rich person with a sense of entitlement who crosses my path.

Please, please, please give me the fortitude to not kick the living shit out of the next rich person that whines about “hard times and the economy” while still going home with six figures. While everyone around me and me are struggling for every cent we have.

Thanks for not listening, Imaginary Deadbeat Dad. You can go back to doing nothing or killing the innocent. Whichever one is on the agenda for today.

R.